Farmyard Follies
by New Yorktown
Summary: Peridot does her part to help Homeworld Gems adjust to life on Earth.


3...2...1...

Homeworld! The ancestral birthplace and imperial capital of the feared Diamond Authority... now a crumbling clod of crud crashing through the cosmos. A gridlocked trail of space vehicles weaves up from the surface of the industrialized planet (which is literally crumbling to dust from below in all defiance of the laws of gravity) in the same manner as a congested urban highway. At the head of the line is a glowing billboard in space, proudly reading **EARTH OR SHATTER **as a number of Gems lean out of structurally improbable windows mounted on their spaceships, to yell at the other traffic goers or are simply asleep at the wheel.

As the camera zooms past this collection of prospective pilgrims and interested immigrants, including a Hessonite riding on the roof of a cargo freighter packed to the gills with newly unbubbled Rose Quartzes, a Ruby riding a segway through space, a Lapis doing the backstroke through the void, an Emerald crouching down on a comically small flying saucer and a team of Pearls pulling a sled loaded with Zircons and rolled up carpets, one of which has a pair of legs sticking out the end, a high pitched, shrill narrator begins to speak.

_These days it seems like everyone is in a rush to get to Earth, to celebrate the downfall of the Diamond Authority and experience this new thing called freedom! AS THEY SHOULD! However... not everyone seems to have gotten the memo..._

The camera gets faster and faster past the traffic pile up, flying through skull shaped smog clouds encircling the crumbling planet. A flying pass is made through a seemingly abandoned and dilapidated Homeworld city, deeper and deeper into the planet's broken crust until settling on a deep cavern, helpfully marked with a decaying sign: **Claud, Cloud and Clover's (un)Certified Cindergarten Construction Corporation: Less Than 50 Off-Colors a Millennia or Your Money Back!**

_Here, we see three pitiful lost stones, clinging to their outdated lives in the dank depths of the Homeworld. Look at them, humble audience, and shame them for their lack of vision. _

Sitting in a circle were three Gems: A scowling Yellow Topaz, a weeping Blue Sapphire, and a third figure who was cloaked head to toe in a very earthly trench coat and wide brimmed hat, concealing every aspect of their appearance except for a pair of pale, white eyes.

"Pah, Earth, who needs it!" The Topaz spat, bitterly waving a meaty fist around. "They say you can't even suplex organics to death whenever you want there! What a gyp!"

"Oh no no! We cannot go to Earth, we simply cannot!" The Sapphire swooned with despair, leaning her head against a gloved hand melodramatically. "My visions of despair say with simply cannot travel there! Where horrible moisture flies in the salt sea air, ready to unravel my perfectly sculpted hair!"

The third Gem said nothing.

_Truly a moss gathering lot._

"The whole planet is full of free-fusers, draft dodgers, Diamond-disbelievers, Off-Colors, Insurance Salesgems, Organic Polishers, Zircons and _the Dutch!" _The Topaz shouted, adding that "We've got all we need to be happy and productive down here on Homeworld, right my Diamond?" before angrily stomping over to a makeshift statue she'd carved out of leftover rock here in the abandoned Kindergarten, depicting Yellow Diamond as a severely upset looking, vein etched face sitting atop a comically thin neck. A moment after reassuringly patting the base of the statue, a small chip from the tip of her stylized helmet/hair fell off and clonked the Topaz on the head, seemingly to no affect... right before the entire top heavy statue toppled over and crushed the military Gem underneath it.

"The colorful futures I see on Earth are never the less fraught with danger! Tis better to stay here on Homeworld, where the future is no stranger!" The Sapphire said aloud. The camera lingers on her for moment, before suddenly zooming in very close as a jarring musical cord plays and the Sapphire's dirty, dust caked dress, stress lined face and filth infested hair is shown in gross, excruciating detail. "What say you, or final friend? Surely our time upon Homeworld will never end?"

The third Gem said nothing, and was very quiet for a long moment. Then, she blinked.

In a sudden flurry of movement the hat and coat were tossed away, revealing that underneath there had been a Red Aquamarine and a White Peridot underneath the entire time, who abruptly clasped hands, spun around in a glittering light show of fusion, and emerged as a towering Tourmaline with a cane and top hat.

Then, she began to sing.

_"Oh I wish I were Gem gone down to Earthni, that is where I truly yearn to be!"_

The drab grey stone background of the discarded Kindergarten began to dissolve into psychedelic colors as yearning unwashed masses of Gems jumps out of the abandoned origin holes carved eons ago, joining an enormous kick line with the Tourmaline in the center. Starting from one end to another the camera zooms down the chain of joined Gem hands, flash frames showing them to be enjoying every state of revelry possible as they merrily joined in the song, Gems eating, drinking, smoking, grinding against each other, until at the end of the line a powerful Jasper kicks both the Sapphire and the Topaz straight into orbit with a mighty swing of her leg.

_"It's a land of rolling oceans, smiles and greener, where no Diamond tells me who I have to be!"_

The kick line had turned into all the Gems climbing up on each other's shoulders, more and more rushing out of the wreckage of the crumbling Homeworld to build a bodily ladder straight to the stars. In defiance of all gravity, Tourmaline cartwheeled her way up the side of the ladder while continuing to lead to the musical number.

_"So back the bags and hit the space lanes quickly as can be! Earth is where I am what I WANT to be!"_

Having successfully acrobat tumbled all the way into space, the Tourmaline jumped from the side of the tower of Gems onto a large space freighter with an unseemly looking Amber behind the wheel, with a grasping multi-colored arm pitifully pawing from the under the back door of what is basically a moving truck with engines strapped to it. The side of the vehicle is painted with: **HARVESTING DONE CHEAP: SECOND GENS HALF-OFF!**

_"EARTH! It's where I NEED to BE!"_

Belting out the last verse, Tourmaline then smashed the driver of the space ship over the head with a gigantic mallet and kicked her into the unforgiving void of deep space, before flipping a switch to open the back trunk of the vehicle and add a hoard of grasping Cluster Mutants to the void. The entire tower of stacked up Gems quickly climbed into the back and closed the hatch behind him, before Tourmaline slams on the gas, causing the engines to roar to life and emit a burst of flames that incinerated the still floating in space Sapphire and Topaz to dust.

The cargo ship flies past the cosmic gridlock under a sign that read **CARPOOL LANE, 5 GEM MINIMUM, FUSIONS SUBJECT TO INSPECTION **towards a delightful blue marble hanging gently in space, a sharp contrast to the literally crumbling to dust Homeworld, running out of solid surface like a flipped over hourglass. The last shot of picture a closer image of Earth spinning gently through space, as the narrator helpfully chimes in:

_Come to Earth. Or else._

* * *

"Well, what did you all think? Please, don't applaud all at once, the burden of my genius can be a little overwhelming at times."

At the old farm house that had been returned to Earth and re-inhabited by its two Gem occupants, a panel of chairs was laid out in front of the barn's broad side, which had been made into an improvised screen for a projector across the way, manned by a deadpan looking Lapis Lazuli, who simply offered a thumbs up to Peridot, who was standing on a stool positioned next to the screen.

"I call it... Moving Meep Morps! This is just the first one that I created... with Lapis' invaluable assistance of course." Peridot further explained with obvious pride in her voice, seemingly oblivious to the reactions of her test audience. "I have all sorts of ideas for more, and I'm sure mandatory screenings for all of Little Homeworld will made them ideal Earth residents in no time at all!" Then, after pausing for a moment, she added "Okay, you can start praising me now, I'm done explaining things."

In the audience, Greg was nervously tugging at his collar, Garnet was seated with her usual unreadable expression but with her arms crossed, Pearl had outright turned up her nose in offense, Amethyst was still digging away at her bucket of popcorn, Blue Pearl was politely clapping due to not knowing what else to do, and Steven just had his head in his hands.

"Giving her access to 3D Movie Maker was a horrible idea."

* * *

_**AUTHORS NOTES:**_ _So this is just a goofy little idea which popped into my head and I decided to give a try, see what people think of the idea, might do it again, might not. I have no idea how well this translates to purely written media, but the idea is that Peridot has basically created a zany war propaganda cartoon that is as subtle as a hammer to the head and loaded with stereotypical imagery. _


End file.
